Yesterday evening I got new pet - hedgehog. His name is Pogson. Why? Because the person who gave me it as a gift, my best friend by the way, is called by friends Pogson. I saw somewhere a picture of the hedgehog and I told him that I wanted it. That’s all story.

I found out that keeping it at your place hedgehog is not easy thing to do.

When it came to hold Pogson in my hands I was so afraid. It was all about his spikes. But I overcame myself and now I can hold him anytime,  even when he is angry - then his strikes are straight and he is very noisy, the sound he makes is similar to the snarl doing by the dog).

Pogson sleeps all day and in the night his life begins. He makes a lot of noise, that’s why some members of my family couldn’t fall asleep. 

I didn’t expect that I can get such an awesome present, moreover without any reason, just because I am.

It looks like that…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGewQB3mDv4

I loved one of sentences from this song. It says:

“It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all”.

I heard not once, that somebody wants to feel indifference because it’s better than feeling all pain inside. I can’t agree with that. When we can feel something wrong we can also feel something good. It’s like without ‘No’ there’s no ‘Yes’. Like without hate, there’s no love. I think after some bad experience we are more able to appreciate what we have at the moment…

Another photo session is coming soon.. I can only say it’s gonna be bloody! Cannot wait! 

Today I got the photos of the last photo session. My friend, who I met during the travel at Woodstock, is a designer. She She was awarded in the contest, called Camel. She had to design sports clothes in the glamour way. The contest was organized by the Polytechnic, in the Łódź.

In the past I was posing for the photos not once. My another friend, Kinga, is a great photographer. She’s just 19 and she takes amazing photos. One of them:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m talking to my friend right now. We are so young, we don’t have a lot of experience which would give us some lessons, and in this age we have to make a lot of decisions. The most important is what we want to do next. We must move on. Some of us are decided, but another aren’t. I’m in the first group. My desire is to study on the University. The direction I’ve chosen is law. But it still doesn’t change the fact that I’m afraid. What if I’m not clever enough to study in this direction? What if I fail in the first year? What if I finish studying and I will get no work in my job?

Being in the second group is the worst I guess. The thing is that when you are in the first, you have to overcome your fears and work for coming true dreams. But in another case, you must look inside your soul ( what is really hard stuff), know yourself better and find that part of you which says you who you really are and what you are supposed to do in your entire life. 

If I make the wrong decision , I’m gonna be a miserable for my whole life, isn’t it  a big deal, huh? 

Nice song for the evening:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfbswB2g_MQ

;)

                               Halina Poświatowska (1935-1967)

My beloved asked me:  Do you believe in life after

               death?  I answered:  I will believe, but only when

               a rose, which blossomed this evening in our garden,

               will give off its scent after the death of all its

               petals.  My beloved asked me:  Do you want to go to

               heaven?  I will — I answered — but only when the

               heaven is as warm as your arms, as ample as your

               breath and as wild as a kiss.  My beloved asked me:

               Will you love me always?  I answered:  If eternity

               is the moment between my empty heart and my heart

               full of love, there will never be a time such that

               I don’t love you.

Halina Poświatowska was poet and writer, very important figure in the literature of the modern Poland, one of the poètes maudit.

When she was 10 years old girl, she fell ill. It brought about a heart defect. Her whole life was about fighting for life, being in hospitals. 

One time she went to the sanatorium. During time being there, she deeply and truly fell in love with a painter, Adolf Poświatowski, her future husband. He also suffered from a heart disease. 

I don't know what I love more

you or the longing after you

the kisses or the desire of kisses

certain gratifications

I thought that I would never again write poems

and now my body has swelled up like a river

and stepped out of its banks -- like a river

and a quick stream snatches away the words

carries off the words

and they all speak of my love

of my longing

of my desire renewing itself like the moon

dimming in the sun of your glance

In the one of her letters, we can read she noticed that he couldn’t enjoy life, spinning in the dance, kissing. She made a decision. She wanted to teach him joy. 

I found out that once of these attempts brought her on the edge with death. She was dancing fast. At some time she felt a lump in the throat. She knew that feeling. She run away from crowded place, which was dance hall. Breathing deeply hasn’t helped her. She begun to walk to the sanatorium. Lumping got more and more intensive. Between catching breaths, she was screaming: “Mum! I don’t want to die!”.  Just drop of the blood saved her life. 

When they visited a doctor together, he told them: ” These two hearts together… It’s a suicide. If you were separated, perhaps you would have some chances, but not together”. 

He was absolutely right. He died 2 years after the wedding. It seems she stayed on the Earth just to sing along the song of their eternal love.

She was made for loving. Her diseased heart was pumping blood for one thing - love. He was island of some kind of saving for her. His arms used to make fear of death go away. 

The main themes of her poetry were: love, will to live and death. All in one. 

One time she wanted to die, because living was too hard without her beloved and with the sickness. Another time she writes that she hangs on the neck of the life, like it was her lover, and she would die if it walks away…

I love her poetry. She didn’t have to use complicated metaphors. Her life was so tragic that simple words was enough to make reader suffer with her.